What is love

Mar 6, 2023 | Mental & Physical Health, Self-Care

How do you know it’s love? What is love, exactly? 

Is it just a fairy tale, a fantasy, or magic? Is it only available to ‘others’? How do you know, and what does it feel like? 

The first thing we need to do is to love ourselves. 

As a child, neither I nor my sisters or step-brothers received love. Our parents told us to go to an orphanage. We were constantly reminded how much our “feminine needs” cost and the cost of the toilet paper we used. We had to wear dresses to school in the 60s and 70s, so we heard how much pantyhose and tights cost. It was our fault we were female and thus unworthy.

My parents divorced when I was 12; I don’t remember seeing them express love between themselves. My father was awarded custody of the 6 of us. When he remarried, I never saw love demonstrated between him and his new wife, Eleanor.

When I met my future husband, and he said he loved me, I didn’t have the knowledge to know if it was real. If only one adult had counseled me to go to nursing school and wait for marriage, I would have taken a different path and not married the first person to say, “I love you.”

After my divorce, I feared no one would love me. I felt defeated, used, and abused. Who could find love with me? Did I even know how to love? Eighteen years of being belittled, insulted, and demeaned, what did I have to offer? 

I have been remarried for 31 years now. Instead of marrying in haste, we waited for 4-years. We got to know each other and our respective children. We shared love and laughter, conversations and job changes, and adapted our lives to the needs of 4 children. We lived in crappy apartments and encouraged each other.

Here’s what I’ve learned. I learned that I could trust this man. We have owned houses, traveled together, survived a heart attack, and now we live with his chronic illness. All these things mean ‘LOVE’ to me. I realize that I bring loyalty, compassion, honesty, fun, wisdom, love, humor, intelligence, and trust to our relationship.

I am thankful for my ability to express my love; love for my husband, two daughters, siblings, and friends. I now use my life experiences and knowledge to support your journey. 

John Legend sings, “all your curves and edges, all your perfect imperfections;”  that’s how you love yourself.

I’m here to help you light your way to loving yourself so you will be ready to love someone else. Sign up for your complimentary call today.

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Hi there, It's Marvis, your Women's Divorce Coach and advocate.

This is my little corner of the internet where I share knowledge, experience, and resources on thriving during and after a divorce. I believe in offering you valuable resources and insights to help you plan your finances, improve your physical and mental health, care for yourself and your family, maintain important relationships and create new ones.


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